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Season 2 of “Just Stories with BT” features all Female Executive guests in the mattress/furniture space or other underrepresented industries!
These episodes focus on getting to know the amazing woman behind these roles and giving a platform to talk about getting our male dominated industries more balanced out!
Alex Vailas just took over as the SVP at Dyper, a sustainable diaper company out to save the world and our landfills from all the literal baby crap! However, her story and path to getting there is so filled with highs and lows, EVERY single parent out there working today NEEDS to listen to this episode. We talk about the struggles that single parents face while working and how to get through real low patches at home while still needing to perform at work. Alex is an incredible writer and although her Pinterest account has over a million followers, her real talk happens on Instagram where she has become the beaming light of hope for so many who struggle in their personal relationships and how to get through rough times while still succeeding at work and with your family. I’ve known Alex for 5 years or so and can verify that this episode is really important, please share with friends, co-workers and anyone who you feel could use some motivation!
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Full Transcription:
Brett Thornton:
All right, everybody, welcome back to another episode of just sores in vt. I sound like college or whatever, it’s another one.
So I have a very exciting guest. A lot of these episodes, I have not known the people who I’m interviewing. And that is not the case today. So Alex and I go back, I don’t know, three or four years. And she’s somebody who I respect and admire a ton. And we’ll get into the reasons why later. But first, welcome to the show, Alex. Hey, thank you for having me. Glad to be here. I know it’s gonna be really cool. So a because we haven’t caught up in a while. So I’m excited just to hear what’s going on with your world. But be in more importantly, I’m really excited for people to get to know you. Because I think that you’ve got, you know, obviously these bazillion followers in social media between Pinterest and Instagram, all stuff who know you and really get to know you because you’re very transparent. But I think in the business world, right, like of LinkedIn and that stuff, it’s it’s not a place you’ve been super active. So I would assume a lot of people listening might be like, who is Alex? They listen, what’s he all about? And so we’re gonna get into that today. But before that, I’m gonna give the entire audience a little bit of a background on you. So I’m good. Yeah, I’m ready for it. Okay, so this is the 62nd version of your life. And then afterwards, tell me like, what did I miss? Okay, okay. All right, here we go.
Okay, as I said, this is Alex veilige. She was born in California, only till the age of four, though she lives in Los Angeles. And then she moved to Madison, Wisconsin, where she lived until she was 11. And then she moved to Houston, Texas, and we’re gonna talk about that in a minute. As a child, she grew up, she loved to dance, she loved to play soccer. She loved to build tree forts, same here, and she was an only child. So that meant that she did a lot of daydreaming and a lot of cartoons. And at the end of the day, you know, grew up kind of with a vision of always having like, Hey, what’s life gonna be like? Very, very ethereal in that sense. Her first job was as a hostess for fire and ice, and then eventually ended up at retail at j crew, where I’m sure you learned a lot of things that you would use later in life. I in high school, she studied music, she wanted to be a professional clarinetists. Is that right? And I’m not sure if I’m saying that. Right. But, and I’ve never met someone who wanted that so great. But obviously, you went into a different path. And I think a lot of that happened. Firstly went to ASU in studied business and communications. And then come out of there, you got a job at AIA, which everyone knows is American Institute of Architects architecture. And, and did that for a while. And then your career took a major spin, which is you launched a fashion and styling company, which led you into getting involved in Pinterest, which led you to becoming someone in I think, 2010 with a million followers on Pinterest. So you’re hearing that right, everyone a million followers. So you were truly an influencer before that was even really a thing. So I guess you were one of the first major influencers, especially in that world. And that led into you creating your own lifestyle blog where you worked with brands like Target and Home Depot, and anthropology and all of these amazing companies. And eventually, you became a creative director at Roadtrippers. And then you went to Juniper and did some amazing things, and then recently became the SVP of brand marketing at diaper, which is very exciting. We’re gonna talk about that. And then along the way, you had two amazing, beautiful little humans. So Noel, your daughter is eight. Levi, your son is five. And now obviously, you alright, and I skip that. So when you went to ASU, you moved to Arizona, and you’re still there today. So you’ve been there that entire time. And then funny fact, you were the star of a living spaces, television commercial, which is where we actually met for the first time in person. give you a ride to the airport from the TV shoes. That’s how we know each other. And now you’re here on the podcast.
Alex Vailas:
Yes, you nailed it. I don’t think he missed anything. Nice. What there’s got to be something like what did like what was something defining about your life I missed in there? Oh, I did miss that. You had like the full braces with the headgear. But yeah, that was very defining. I mean, I’m thankful because like my teeth take up half my vase. Yeah, no, I’m really glad for that investment on my parents for
you know, it’s funny. I was actually just talking to my kids about this last night because we were talking about headgear. I don’t know why I came up. We were talking about braces, and oh, my daughter’s friend got braces. So we were talking about and I said, Hey, one my, when I was a kid, you know, a lot of kids who got braces had to wear headgear. And they were like, yeah, you know, and I was trying to explain it and like, I was saying how the braces were just huge silver things. And you know, it’s like, so different now like her friends like, oh, they’re like white and she’s got little like, like, designed rubber bands and all this stuff. I’m like, is this come along? Yeah, my daughter is in braces right now. And she loves them. She’s think she’s so cool and
I’m so glad that she thinks she’s awesome in braces. Because I was not how I feel or felt, especially the headgear man, those that that whole thing the bonnet with the metal mustache thing is, it was something.
Brett Thornton:
So what do you think?
What do you think happened in your life because of the fact that you moved from LA to Wisconsin and then to Houston love? And like, Did that have an impact on like, you think your personality or how you kind of ended up in life?
Alex Vailas:
Absolutely. I think that.
But so my parents moved a lot, or I don’t know if that’s a lot necessarily. But they moved because they were in academia, and both PhDs researchers that were climbing the ladder and ended up going into higher education administration and, and just had an incredible careers. So
I mean, now as an adult, looking back, I’m like, Wow, my parents are awesome. That’s, that’s amazing. But I think as a kid, you know, especially as an only child, when your parents are really involved in their careers, it can kind of feel lonely. And I’m thankful that I moved to Wisconsin, because it’s such a great place to grow up. I mean, we just lived on almost an acre of land, and there’s just a pond in the backyard, and you can be outside and ride your bike and pick blueberries is just like, and then in the wintertime, I just love building snow forts and stuff. So I loved it. But I remember moving to Houston,
in junior high, which is that’s just a tough time for kids. Yeah, and is seventh grade full on braces happening. Acne frizzy hair was definitely happening in humidity. And just feeling so alone. And it’s a totally different culture, Houston, Wisconsin, totally different culture, huge city. And people weren’t really outside, I didn’t know how to connect with people. And I think at that time is when I kind of went inward more. So I’m kind of I’m an introvert extrovert, and both. And
I think I had to find ways to connect with myself to not feel lonely. And I, that’s where I really discovered music. And that’s why I wanted to have a career in music, or the arts in general. It’s such a, just expressing myself and being able to say things when I didn’t have anyone to tell. So I just learned how to start showing it or feeling it through music. And I’m so thankful for that move, because it gave me a huge appreciation for the arts. And I don’t think I would be, I don’t think I would have developed a love for fashion. And I’m really tapped into that creativity had I stayed in Wisconsin, most my life in Wisconsin was around sports. I mean, dance for sure. But I really loved soccer and was about to I had just made the travel team, which was like a big deal. And then we moved. So who knows what life would have been like? Yeah, no, I mean, it’s pretty crazy to think, you know, like how those
Brett Thornton:
you know, you I was just telling someone yesterday about, you know, I had a my parents made me go to this little private junior high, and I didn’t know a soul and I thought it was the end of my life, you know, because all my friends were going to public school and they told me the day before now you’re going here. And then but then now, still, to this day, like my two of my three closest friends in the entire planet I met in seventh grade, you know, and we’re still like, super tight. It’s just random, you know? And so you never know you know what I mean? And that’s such a major impact on my life. So it’s crazy to think you know, um, what do you think you know what happened in your life that you think happened only because you were only child?
Alex Vailas:
I think that two things I think it gave me an incredible imagination. When you I was kind of a latchkey kid not trying to knock my parents here, but they might listen to the podcast so lovely moment. But the like I said they’re really busy. I mean, when you’re running a university or running a college that’s a big job and, and so they couldn’t always be there to cook me meals and I had to make dinner for myself. Sometimes I had to talk myself into bed and though there there are things in my past, I would say are kind of painful about that. Um, I think one of the you know, They always say kids or kids can adapt, I do think we learn as children how to adapt to things. And one of the adaptations that I would do be to escape into a different world. And like I said, I watched a lot of TV. And when I say a lot of TV, I mean, Friday night, I was watching, you know, the Boy Meets World, the whole thing. And then Saturday night was snick, are you afraid of the dark, and I got out a plan. And but that’s where I think I developed my love of storytelling and this ability to connect with people that were on the other side of the screen. I think my imagination continues to serve as a place of comfort and escape in a healthy way when things are hard. And now I use my imagination every day as a brand storyteller. I’m always thinking about how could we do this, and if it has, in it, especially in the world of business, you’re not wondering how you can do it just like somebody else did, you’re trying to figure out how you can do it like no one else has done. That’s, it’s, that’s a beautiful part that came from it. And also my parents, they were older and age when they had me they were 35. That’s different now that is older in the 80s. And, and so most of their friends didn’t really have kids my age. So when they would have parties, they’d have college students over all the time. And I, I loved it. I had so much fun hanging out with college students and really learning how to talk to adults. Yeah. And I think that’s where I built a lot of my curiosity and intellect, and kind of love for just asking a lot of questions. I mean, like, some people can call me the Riddler at times. So. But I think that’s where I got it from.
Brett Thornton:
Yeah, I love that. And, you know, I think that I guess I want to ask, you know, like, do you? How do you get to a point, so for those of you guys listening, don’t know, Alex. So first got to follow her on Instagram. And once you do go back and just read through a bunch of posts, so you’re probably one of the best writers I’ve ever that I’ve ever lived, you know, read or listen to my life. And I think that the reason is, because you’re so genuine and transparent to it. But you also really put yourself out there, you know? And like, my question is, you know, like, how do you do that? Right? Like, how do you just like lay all that kind of stuff out for the world? You know,
Alex Vailas:
I think that when you get comfortable with yourself and know yourself, and you kind of have communion with self, you’re not as afraid to be rejected. You know, I’ve had, I would say, I don’t know, I’ve listened to a couple or a couple of those in most episodes that you’ve put out there. And it’s interesting, a lot of the people that you’ve had on had like big sports, they’re into sports and stuff and sounded like they were kind of had great high school experiences and all that. I mean, I had a great life, don’t get me wrong. But I really felt like I was, you know, in the middle of my class, nothing to stellar, I really struggled in school, and I struggled to feel like I fit in anywhere. And I think I just I kind of aligned myself. And still like those parts of me, I resonate more with like the nerdy kids than I do the popular kid, ironically, even though I have like a million followers, and that’s, quote, unquote, popular. So I think when I’ve, I’ve just gotten comfortable just being my unique self, knowing that if I can find happiness and joy just being who I am, and with that small group of people that are my core friends that really know and celebrate me, then, you know, I don’t really have anything to lose. And also I have seen, I’ve been in places where I wish I didn’t feel so alone. And in the times when I didn’t feel alone, it was when someone shared a story that made me feel like wow, I feel that too. And even though I had no idea who they were or didn’t know them in real life, maybe it made me feel less alone. And so why I share a lot openly is to just take people on the journey that I’m living in hopes that someone will feel less alone that if there’s that nerdy little girl out there or a woman that still feels that way that she feels known and feels like she belongs. I think belonging is a really powerful experience. And unfortunately, there are people who still don’t feel like they belong or are valued. And I want to and I will continue to devote my life to making People feel included and seen.
Brett Thornton:
I love that. And what’s the dichotomy like juggling? Okay? I’m a influencer a quote unquote. So I’m taking these pictures, I’m writing this post, which by some accounts to be like, that seems fake. But then you’re writing these really real deep, emotional things. And you know what I mean? Like, it seems like kind of a crazy balance, you know, to then that’s why like, I feel like, a lot of influencers. It’s just because of their fashion or the look, or whatever it is, it’s not the content. Whereas I feel like you’ve really tried to driven it around your writing or what the message is.
Alex Vailas:
Yeah. I mean, it wasn’t always that way. So in 2010, when I became an influencer, quote, unquote, I don’t even know what that term means anymore. But when that happened, I definitely was the what you would what you just described, more of the typical like, this is my outfit of the day. This is where I bought everything. I remember though, feeling like a fish out of water. Knowing that that was expectation. I mean, right away when I got that following glamour and Revlon had reached out to me to start working with them. And I thought, I can assure you have the right person. The not can was not uncomfortable in front of the camera at all. And it just, I remember, they asked me to host I was flown to LA in New York, to host parties for Revlon and glamour. And I kept thinking, I’ve never even I never was invited to parties growing up, I don’t know how to do. I don’t even I didn’t even go to a party in college. Like I was, I had a nose, my nose in a book. So I thought, all right, I’m gonna go host this party. And I had I had no idea what I was doing. But yeah, so I remember going through a couple years going through the motions of doing what I thought influencers were supposed to do, and taking notes from brands and and what they were asking me to do. And I became really successful, quote, unquote, that way with a lot of partnerships getting making a lot of money. I don’t think I bought, I don’t think I bought a bottle of shampoo for a decade. And so but then I, I just never felt like me. And in the background, my my marriage was really struggling. And I was going through some really hard things. And I just, it was like, I was at war with myself. And then I just went, everything just fell apart, which I’m sure we’ll get to. It was like, I can’t do this anymore. I have to just be me. And if you think it’s weird, you can unfollow and I, this is about five, five years ago, I thought I’m just gonna be who I am. Because I can’t even bring myself to write about a pair of shoes or a chair, it doesn’t even matter who cares? What I all I care about is helping people heal and save their marriage or whatever I can do, because this matters way more. And so that’s when I just turned it on. And I started, I journal all the time, I always have a journal. And I always have done this since I was a little girl. And I just thought Alright, this is my journal. And this is I’m just gonna put this out here, because this is who I truly am. And I’m tired of being inauthentic.
Brett Thornton:
Yeah. Um, and I do want to talk about that, you know, so before I do that, because I think that’s gonna get heavy. Let’s talk something lighter. First. Tell it bring us behind the curtain of Alex, what’s a favorite story? You love to tell something funny or entertaining?
Alex Vailas:
Oh, man, I have so many. And I knew you’re gonna ask this. And I wrote a long list. And then I thought to myself, Oh, man, if I share all these, this could definitely discount some credibility as an SVP. But here I go into my authentic self. I am who I am. Okay. All right. Um, okay, so a couple funny stories. So back to the just, this is just kind of a funny thing about the million followers. I remember. Looking at my screen I was I had joined Pinterest through. I then was at a conference, the founder, and he pass out this card, who’s kind of on his last leg. No one was signing up for this app. And so someone had invited him to this conference called alt summit or altitude summit, and I was there it’s a blogging conference for women. And this one lone guy is there passing out legit business cards like visit this site? And I have had Okay, and I I joined it because I saw it as a really great bookmarking tool for my fashion styling clients. Instead of carrying magazines, I was like, Oh, this is great. I love it. I don’t have to carry binders anymore. So I started using it incessantly. And anyway, as you guys know, became this influencer. But I remember seeing these emails come in like new follower or new follower, and my inbox was just jammed full. And I was like, What is happening? I don’t know what this is, and how do I turn this off? Because I can’t find my emails. And sorry, turned it off. And I didn’t understand it. And I remember one day, a friend of mine said, Do you know that you have a million followers on Pinterest? And I was like, What? And I looked, and I had an even looking at that. And sure enough, it said a million. And I was like, well, that’s cool. What do I do with that? And just like, I don’t know, looks cool. I was like, Yeah. All right. And then I just love that. No, it did not even occur to me or anyone to share anything or think that I could turn that into a business at the time. It was like a two truths and a lie story that you just tell at a party like, Oh, I was fired from Pinterest. And next
Brett Thornton:
that it’s funny. False. True. So good. Yeah, yeah, I think when when did it set in know that, oh, wait a minute. Like, I now can post something. And all this happens over here, like when did that sit?
Alex Vailas:
I mean, surely after, but I felt so guilty for doing that. I think that was like an interesting thing, where I knew some of the other people and kind of my circle, because many of them came from that conference that became influencers. At the same time, we were curating the platform at the time. So when you joined, you had more of a great experience rather than in it. Back then when you join the your boards were blank, and there was no feed. And so they realized that to create a better user experience. We needed some of the best curators, which happened to be more bloggers to share things that they thought new users would like. And so they asked me to curate fashion, the category of fashion for them. And I think that I knew that whenever I shared, I quickly realized that when I shared something that was, let’s say, on anthropologies website, people just repin the heck out of it, like hundreds of free pins, and then it would sell out. And I thought for I had a website and a portfolio, but I felt like it was wrong or too self promotional to share my own content. I really wanted to honor the space, I wanted to honor the community and not spam people. And I think that though, I know that it’s okay to do it. Now, obviously, I made a career out of it. I’m really proud of that my heart of always looking at, well, how can I honor this space and honor the people that created this platform and and serve the community? So it’s interesting, I didn’t promote myself for a really long time. Actually, I didn’t share anything for probably over a year. And I guess people could say that’s a mistake, but
Brett Thornton:
Well, I mean, I would say that, don’t you feel though, that led to, you know, loyalty from the people who followed you and looked at your stuff? You know, I mean, I, I would assume that’s how I would have looked at it, you know? Yeah. And I still do that to this day, you know, I think that there’s a big we’re in like, a weird, funky time from a business perspective. Because, you know, we hear all these people on one side of the fence saying, like, you got to everyone as a personal brand. And everyone’s got to know, you decide, then you have some people on the other side saying, like, I work for a company, like, I don’t lie, you know, and there’s like, back and forth on, you know, is it good? Is it bad, but I think at the end of the day, where we’re at today, at least, I think about what my kids, you know, my son being 12, and having a tick tock and, you know, Instagram and like, you know, their whole life now is this personal brand, really, from the time that they’re kids. And it’s scary, because it’s also permanent, things are out there, they’re out there forever, but at the same time, it’s like, you can’t not encourage your kids to build this brand. Because I think in the future that’s really going to be like what drives your opportunities, you know, because the traditional path of school and it’s all kind of morphing and changing. And so I don’t want I don’t think like at least me as a parent, I don’t want him to shy away from him, like hey, embrace it, learn how to edit, make cool movies, do fun stuff, like, you know, you know, that’s okay. But at the same time, you know, how do you disconnect from the, I guess the I don’t want to say need but like when you put something out there when you have a million followers and you get all these responses and all these likes and all this stuff, doesn’t that slowly kind of like becomes One thing that you need.
Alex Vailas:
Yeah, it was it. Yeah. This is why I struggle I mean, as a marketer now and leading a company and of course, we have an influencer strategy, like most brands need to these days. Yeah, I mean, you, you have to be strategic and smart about it. But I think that this idea of always going back to what’s your intention behind what you do? That’s, that’s the piece that I did. I couldn’t name it at the time. But that’s the piece that I now operate from. Wow, what’s my motivation behind sharing? If it is for monetization? There’s no shame in that. But let’s like am I really promoting Do I really believe in promote this brand and stand for what they like try to run it through the filters that matter most and like your priorities. And so I think that filter, as you know, in business is incredibly important has Gen Z, and Millennials are holding companies accountable to have a soul and have a heart to recognize the power that they have of influence. I mean, it’s very true. And we can see back historically now, the influencer marketing is now been around for well over a decade. And so in a social space, and we can see that trend where Pinterest, I don’t know if people are aware of this, but back then you could share whatever you wanted, right? And so people immediately that grew following started taking the opportunity to put affiliate links, so they can make a ton of cash. And right away. Again, I didn’t do that, because I felt convicted about it, like, Oh, this is gonna, this is gross, this is yucky feelings. So I’m going to do me, you can like that sounds like a bad business move, because I’m not choosing to prioritize money, but I’m not going to do it. And then everyone else did it. And Pinterest actually shut it down Pinterest, and it made a lot of creators leave the platform. And they actually all went to Instagram. And so it was weird, though, because they didn’t shut it down completely, then then they kind of went back, they, they were like, Okay, that was a mistake. But what we’re gonna do is we’re going to be smart about how we do it. And so we’re only going to work with rewardstyle and shopstyle, to allow those affiliate links, and we’re going to, we’re going to be choosy with our partnerships and what belongs here, Pinterest, still to this day is my favorite platform, because it’s a platform of positivity, and even make stands like, they will not take ad dollars from companies, they just pronounce this, that promote weight loss programs, they you can share weight loss content on there organically, but you can’t put money behind that message in order to promote positivity and body positivity and recognize that they have such a strong female audience that already deals with self esteem issues. They don’t want more ads around those messages. And I think that’s amazing. So I don’t know, I think that there’s nothing again wrong, right? I’m not I I’ve learned a lot in life to not be very black and white and to be more gray and say that’s not wrong, it’s just different. And to realize that you can have a business and build a brand and be successful financially, by sticking to your own code. And for me, it’s just never going to be about promoting for the sake of money, it’s going to be about promoting for the sake of helping and supporting people. And eventually that will serve me and It sure has, and I think also finding a way to be in business. You know, I, I built a brand. And I planned on building that brand. And then my life went to crap. Because I went through a divorce and I didn’t realize how Reliant I was on my spouse at the time for things like health insurance and all that. And I remember making the switch to corporate culture or treated the traditional workforce and feeling so angry that I had built something that I had to leave behind. But what I didn’t realize and what I would realize a couple years later was having my main financial stream be more of the traditional workforce and not my creativity allowed me to be more creative and allowed me to be more free and allowed me to get better as a creator in the way that I want to. So I don’t know, I think, am I answering your question? Okay. No, absolutely.
Brett Thornton:
Yeah, no, and it makes perfect sense. You know, I can definitely resonate with that, you know, I am. I’ve always created lots of content, you know, specifically around LinkedIn, I have my blog and all that stuff, but people, you know, we’ve probably had this conversation back in the day, but I think people often ask me two things. Like when I get to know someone, you know, so the first thing I’m always asking is like, how in the world Do you have time? To do the podcast? Right? And before before, it was like, how do you have time to do the blog? And my answer is, is, is actually very simple. And it’s, it’s on one hand, it’s sad. And on one hand, it’s positive, you know, which is, you know, we bonded over the fact that we were both single parents, you know, I’m trying to figure out work and kids and all that kind of stuff, like years ago, you know, but the reason that I started doing the blog back in the day was because I was a total disaster every Sunday afternoon, right, so my kids would view me on the weekend, and stay with their mom during the week. And I’d see him you know, almost every day, but you know, they only stay with me on the weekend, and then Sunday afternoon, I would go drop them off, and then I’d come home, and it would be silent. And I just didn’t know how to deal with it. And I would self medicate with whatever I could write to not deal with those emotions, you know, of like, a empty, quiet house. And like the feeling of failure, and I’m a bad dad, and I was a horrible husband, or whatever it is, you know, just all those thoughts that kind of come in, you know, and, and after doing that, for literally, like, two years, you know, I realized, like, this is such a slippery slope, like this is this isn’t me, you know, like, I’m, I’m not that person, but I couldn’t get out of it. And I started the blog simply to have something to do on Sunday afternoons, and I used to in I religiously, every Sunday afternoon, Sunday night, I started writing stuff, editing videos, like whatever, and it just kept me going, like, in this creative, super positive direction, I didn’t even care if people read it. Or like, when to It’s just that I got, I just got going, you know, and analysis. And all these years later, seven, seven and a half years later, I this was this what I do. So I’ve utilized now on the podcast, like I, in the empty nights, you know, when I’m by myself or whatever is when I creatively come to life, and I have this really exciting projects, and I get to edit these videos, and I have these conversations, and I do all these things, and I feel great about it. Um, and at the same time, like, Is it just me trying to fill a void? Like, I don’t think so I really think that I have a creative juices that have to be like, you know, like, I just have to do something at all times. I love doing that. And that’s when I feel the best in my life. And it comes from a sad place, you know, of like, for any parent to have any days of the week, let alone three or four where you don’t have your kids. I mean, as any parent, oh, that’s devastating. You know, but I think that over time you realize like, Okay, well, yes, that happened. Okay, it’s done, it’s gone. Now, how do I make the absolute best of this? How do I show my kids that even when things don’t work out, you know, you can still have positive outcome, you can do this, you can do that. And you know, and I’m much different than a traditional single parent in a sense that, you know, I have an amazing co parent and my kids mom, and she’s phenomenal. And like, she’s been an amazing mother. And so she takes care of so many, I would say of things that, you know, would be really hard if that was all on me. And it’s not, you know, so So, you know, people are like, well, that’s really difficult. I’m like, yeah, of course, it’s difficult, but it’s not. I’m not by myself, you know, by any stretch, you know, but I think utilizing that time, in a beneficial way has really catapulted me into being back to who I originally was or who I wanted to be, if that makes sense. Yes, yes. Yeah, I think, you know, I would love for I know, it’s, it’s obviously sensitive. So if you don’t want to talk about it, you know, you don’t have to, but, you know, you you really transition your social feed, you know, especially Instagram, over the last three, four years into being what I would consider, like, is almost like, a therapy blog for single parents really, you know, and and, I mean, I imagine that was pretty scary. To put that all out there. Or maybe not maybe just just felt natural.
Alex Vailas:
Yeah, I have. Yeah, for the listeners, I mainly shared about why I started sharing about fashion, and then I became a mom, then I shared about motherhood, and then, you know, you buy a house and then you share about your house. So that’s aka lifestyle, is what I shared about and most I would say, almost every post or every other post, at the peak of of my success, quote, unquote, I say that in quotations, because I know there are questions about success and I don’t define that as success for me but now but in a traditional sense of making a lot of money and, and getting to do this job with top brands. That was, I was, every post was sponsored. My life was sponsored. Everything that I wore, that I ate almost that I dress, my kids in the furniture in my house. Everything was sponsored. People now still come into this house and it’s beautiful, but I always like feel like I have to say, hey, it’s not real because this was part My wife and this was part of my job. Yeah. And then yeah, no, I didn’t transition. It was just like straight up here. Yeah, my life is a mess. And so for the listeners, I, you know, I was married for 10 years and have two kids. And even before I transitioned about three years prior, I was going through a lot of marital stuff. And I think this is important to talk about, because we like to think in the workplace. People don’t deal with marital issues, or divorce or whatever. And we think that it’s separate, but it’s so impacts our work everyday, right? Where are you? Yeah. So I’m not talking about it. And I’m happy to share but I, I was silently suffering, and it was eating me alive. Like I had a couple close friends that knew, but I didn’t know how to talk about, you know, infidelity that had happened in my marriage and stuff like that, and the effects of that and going through marriage counseling. And I thought I was getting better. So I thought, if I say anything out loud, it’s going to ruin the progress that we’re making. So I’m just going to keep silent. And I don’t want anything bad to happen to him or my kids. So we’ll just pretend that nothing is wrong. Yeah, what I didn’t realize was that, when you choose to keep yourself small and silent, it’s going to come out another way. And it was really impacting my health. And not that I needed to share it all on Instagram. But it just wasn’t, I wasn’t getting better, and things weren’t getting better. And three years later, I found out that actually among, during that time, there was still plenty of infidelity happening. And I didn’t even know it. And I, I was also then diagnosed with three autoimmune diseases. And you know, my kids were a wreck. And then when you go through divorce in Arizona, it’s a 5050, no fault state. So then half my business was gone. And, in fact, I was in the middle of a partnership, a year long partnership with Home Depot, biggest deal i’d signed. And I had to email them and say, Hey, I’m so sorry, but half your furniture is going to my ex husband’s house, I can’t complete this project is like, Whoa, is horrible. And I thought, how am I going to do this? And how am I going to survive? And, you know, and, and meanwhile, I have to keep posting in order to keep making money. And I kept thinking, like, how am I going to keep posting but I’m this like, lifestyle, blogger that’s happy, which brands are relying on this kind of positive messaging in this brand of mine, to promote their product? And I need to do that in order to pay my bills. But yet I am so not that. And in fact, half that furniture just went out the door, what do I do, I was in a panic. And I thought, I need to stop and I need to choose what’s best for me. And so I immediately like I reached out to a couple of my blogger friends, and they helped me put a resume together. I hadn’t written a resume and years, and I had chosen this life. So I could be at home with my kids. And I thought, How in the world am I going to go to an office again? And here I was, like traveling the world speaking at conferences for Pinterest, like, what am I going to do? And an influencer agency happened to be here. And I just jumped to that. And quickly, and I was making, like half of what I was making there, but I had health benefits. And I just started doing that. And I think that’s, that’s when I around the time I met you at the living spaces shoot.
But I think that’s when I decided I thought, okay, if I have income and a salary and support and stability, this is giving me permission to be who I need to be online and to actually stopped taking partnerships because I needed those times when my kids weren’t here to fall apart. For me, the times when they weren’t here was when I could heal myself. And it took to writing and is very cathartic for me. And I thought, well, if I could help one person save their marriage, then maybe, maybe it’s worth putting this out online. And as I’ve done this now for four years, I still get messages from Sally get messages from people that are going through the same thing, but they look to me as like a source of inspiration of, Okay, this is not the end, this life can actually be even better. She figured it out. So let me go back and read these posts and see how she got there. Granted, it’s like if you if people come to my Instagram, it’s a couple years where you got to dig through. But um, yeah, that’s how I started putting that out there and writing and I think when I started writing is when I realized, Oh, yeah, I forgot the whole reason why I like being a blogger and doing this isn’t because I like fashion. It’s, it’s because I like telling a story. And, and that’s where everything shifted. So I think the failure, I mean, you haven’t asked me this, but Well, you’re done, do it. The biggest failure to me, has been and I can point this out in many areas of my life or times in my life has been when I haven’t trusted myself. And when I have not seen myself and valued myself for who I am, like the value that I have just intrinsically as a person, and accepted breadcrumbs, and poured myself out, in order to be to to receive that validation back. everything, every bad decision I’ve made, failure that I’ve had has come from a place of just not thinking I’m worthy of anything good. And to live my entire life, or to even live 33 years of it, thinking that I’m not enough is absolutely my biggest failure.
Brett Thornton:
Yeah, it’s a tough, it’s a tough pill to swallow, too. You know, I think I think we I think as humans, you know, I think on some level, we all go through this, but I think that and I know, just from us having history and me reading all your stuff and whatnot, I kind of know same as you. But yeah, I went to the same thing where I look back and go, man, I lost like eight, nine years of my life where I wasn’t being authentic to who I was, like, I was trying to be somebody I wasn’t. It’s hard, like, because, you know, like, I think all of us want to live life without regret, you know, you want to be older and be like, well, I gave it all everything I got. And I truly, I think, you know, from that perspective, yeah, you know, try and I did all these things, but I look back at that time and be like, Oh my god, I can’t get back those years of masking sadness, or anxiety or depression, you know, like, That’s tough. You know, and, and you know, that, as a parent, I think the hardest part is that knowing that your kids like, absorb it, you know, like, regardless of how you, you know, the face you put on on the outside, you know, with your friends and your family and your kids or whatever, they just get it, you know, and, and that’s devastating. I think as a parent, knowing like, Oh my God, I’ve, I’ve, I’ve passed something down, you know, I’ve, you know, through whatever form like in, they’re going to have to unpack that at some point in their life, you know, and that’s always that like, Oh, my God, like, I wanted to be perfect, but just not, you know.
Alex Vailas:
Yeah, it’s, yeah, that has been, there’s been a lot of sadness there, but that at the same time, I’m sure you can relate, like I, you know, I’m so glad that I had all the quote on fame and all the things and it got to experience that and realize how unfulfilling it really was, to have my life fall apart allowed me to rebuild it in a way that I, I truly want it to be. And I’m still learning what that is, I can’t say I’ve figured it out. But you know, on the flip, like success, now looks and feels like being completely at peace with myself. It’s being my authentic self. It’s a piece that is felt in every way and it’s from that piece now that I can make choices that i know i 100% believe in for the most part, you know, still like flawed human. But I think to it really reminded me that I I really want to make sure that this life is like when I’m old. And I want to feel that like fullness inside me and I do feel most of that. But what’s missing now and what I’m devoted to now, especially in my career path, and whatever it leads me to is okay, what now how do I help other people through this? And how do I really, my whole whole hope is for women to know their their worth, and to for women to feel empowered to build the life that they want to live. And to not feel like that that’s out of reach just because of something tragic that happens. Whatever it may be grief is all kinds of things. But however I can do that is what I’m going to do and I’ve realized the biggest way I can affect changes really through Who am I Career and through using commerce and, and working with bigger organizations that are committed to a cause greater than themselves. And so I’ve had the opportunity to work at some really great companies since then, and kind of live out my life and heal myself in the process. And, you know, it’s cool, like going out there and traveling to crazy places and doing crazy videos. Super scrappy, fun storytelling stuff. I love that. But now being a diaper, it’s like, cool, I get to wake up every morning and help save the world. Awesome. Yeah, I’m writing what I want to do.
Brett Thornton:
Yes, and so let’s, let’s go there real quick, cuz I know, these things fly by, like literally, like already been like, almost an hour. But um, you know, I would say just for those listening. So follow her on Instagram and go back. And just kind of peek through your journey because I look at it. Really as like a really cool kind of modern day. story of redemption, you know, of like watching you kind of rebuild yourself through grief as a single mother, like trying to figure it all out. And so it’s kind of cool now, not that you have it figured out and all as well in every part of your life, but it’s really cool to see, like, made it through that section back out. And then now like you’re taking on this amazing new role at diaper as SVP and so just give us like the quick like, Okay, what are you doing now? What’s diaper all about? Because I know it’s a really cool company.
Alex Vailas:
Yeah, well, I’m actually only three weeks since this role. Actually, you you were super helpful in helping make a big decision that I was faced with, like, I had to have great opportunities on the table. But I’m so glad to have chosen diaper because and I chose this company because they’re just Well, they’re absolutely incredible. So diaper is committed to a more sustainable way to diaper. That means we create plant based diapers that can be also delivered to your door and picked up and composted through our red diaper program. And everything that they do, they’re carbon neutral, so their delivery, everything is carbon neutral. For plastic neutral, a lot of there’s a lot of plastic in diapers, we have four times less plastic. I mean, there has to be some with those Velcro tabs, but it’s almost all plant based. We publish all of our ingredients on our websites, if you’re curious, you can read everything there. But the founder, you know, he has two little girls and he he’s a guy that’s in the startup world has had 14 different startups. And he just had a moment like what is really in this and what happens to this, like, I know that this is plastic, but what actually happens? I mean, most people don’t know that divers are the third largest contributor to landfill waste in the world. And this, this blew my mind. And he’s like what soul really sold me on like, I got to work here and help tell this story. It takes a diaper, which I’m sure did you use disposable diapers for your kids or? Yeah, well, yeah,
Brett Thornton:
you know, given take I mean, yeah, it was a while back. We tried to get the most natural stuff we could but yeah, yeah. Especially when you’re out and about, you’re like, I’ll forget right?
Alex Vailas:
Well, yeah, I did, too. I knew what it was. But I felt like I didn’t have a better choice. We’re We are proud to say that we’re the responsible better choice now. And it’s available to people. But a diaper takes 500 years to decompose. That’s crazy. 500 years. Our diapers take around 200 days should it see landfill. But the craziest thing because we figured out how because they’re all plant based. And because we work with amazing composting facilities. We can take these diapers and compost them and so that there’s no waste at all and then never sees the landfill ever again ever. So for now and then the future of our children and generations from now there’s no reason because a diaper for a diaper to ever see landfill ever again. So cool. I love it. So I go in my day telling this story, but I’m only three weeks in so I’m still getting
Brett Thornton:
Hey, I’m sorry, you got me so although yeah, hopefully I never have to. Yeah, maybe grandkids one day like wait. Um, so last last thing for you. So you know, this this season has been really just all focusing on female executives, you know, with these really cool stories and a lot of them in underrepresented industries. And so I typically ask something around, you know, giving advice to a younger version of yourself or something like that, but I really feel with you, especially with what you do online. I would really love for you because so many people listening will have never heard you a nomad There’s looking you up now. But what is advice you would give to a single parent who’s newly becoming a single parent? And who works? What what, you know, what would be like one or two pieces of advice after having gone through all this? You know? Because I think it’s not that it’s taboo. It’s just that like you kind of alluded to earlier, nobody talks about it. They don’t talk about, you know, if you think about, like, an executive team at a, at a larger company, hey, probably 20% of those people are maybe single parents, you know, gone through divorces, like they’re juggling this crazy thing at home, and yet, have to come and perform. And I’m of the mindset, you know, I know, some people might disagree, but I actually think that single parents are the greatest can be the greatest single asset to any organization, because they have it all on the line, they have to succeed. And, and they also have a lot of lot of them, like, in my situation, I have all these nights and times I do all kinds of my work so often when people aren’t, because I have these kind of crazy schedules. But I also know like, hey, like, I have to succeed here, you know. And so I just love to hear you know, someone who’s gone through it and been so public about it, you know, like, what would you advice would you give to somebody going through that?
Alex Vailas:
Yeah, yeah, especially for women, because I listeners can look this up. But divorce typically, there’s actually been a lot of studies done where men actually are. It’s an advantage financially to get divorced. Whereas for women, it’s, it’s even further disadvantage financially. So we already faced a wage gap, on top of the fact that it’ll be a bigger financial disadvantage for most women. Also, I think we’ve seen a lot in during COVID, where women have left the workforce to care for children. They are we are caregivers, I think, I don’t want to say by nature, I think it’s something that our society kind of expects. And so most women that I talked to now, that asked me this question, I say, Stop and help, stop and think about what do you need? It’s a very simple question. But what I learned in my own experience, and in the experience of others I’ve talked to is, women have a really hard time articulating and knowing what they need. And then even if they can identify and express it, they’re very afraid to state their needs and to hold that boundary. So if you go into a workplace, and like many of them are transitioning out of the home, that I’ve spoken to, but if if they have been, let’s say, the primary caregiver, and they are now faced, like I was, with going into more traditional setting for health benefits are all the things. Don’t sell yourself short, think about what’s the number that you need, like run the math, what do you need to make? Ask for it? Ask for beyond that? Don’t and definitely for those women in particular, don’t think that your skills as a mother aren’t translatable to the workforce, like dang it. So many parents, like any parent that can get so much done in multitasking, tends to be more efficient with our time than those that don’t have good. Yeah, absolutely. It’s not to knock people that don’t have kids, because I want to be sensitive to that not everyone, that’s such a blessing and something that we can’t even control. But for those that are afraid to put a resume together and say, well, I’ve been a mom for 10 years, how can I move into the workforce? Hey, Mama ko actually has a program that can help you write about those transferable skills in a way that is for the business world. And then I would also say, yeah, just back to women knowing it and identifying their needs and not backing down. I think it comes back to that central question, or that point of failure in my life is that I didn’t think I was worthy of what I needed. And so my advice is for you to do deep work. This, this translates into how you show up in business every day, how you show up in life, the narratives that we tell ourselves can either propel us forward or hold us back. So if you if there’s any piece of you, that feels that you are unworthy of this job, or to work there, or to make a certain amount, like really ask yourself I remember negotiating the salary or or even talking with you about this role. And I thought, Okay, what do I do? I don’t I was so unsure of myself, but then it’s like, why? why i’m i’m so valuable and why am I saying thinking these negative things, but women are constantly bombarded with you’re not enough. Look, better dress better fix this. Like, we have so many negative messages. I know you have a daughter, but I’m sure you can tell the difference between your son and daughter and how they’re growing up in the world. We have so much to overcome and The where we have to start rather than it’s not that we don’t try to fix what’s going on out there. But if we don’t fix what’s inside of us and don’t honor our own needs and honor our value and worth, we’re never going to be able to make the difference that we need to make.
Brett Thornton:
I love that such good advice. Brilliant advice for everybody out there. And I know definitely resonates with me for sure. So last last question. Um, so what is it like to like flick on the TV? And then just like see yourself in the middle of a commercial? Like to star tell the world?
Alex Vailas:
Um, yeah, so they’re referring to a living spaces commercial? Are you referring to that? That was under multiple Are you like superstar celebrity and other? No, no, no, no, no, that was a that was a crazy moment. You want to know a funny story about that? That you don’t know. Um, so background for people, living spaces had reached out to me to start in this TV commercial, because I had done a lot of work for them. From the influencer and content creation side, instead of casting a model, or an actor, as they typically do is one of their first times casting an influencer, which has now become a regular thing, which is really, really cool. But I have never been I’ve been on local TV spots. I’ve never done any kind of like big production. And so it flew me out to LA, which is where I met you. And I was sitting in the makeup chair, and this gal that was supporting wardrobe or makeup. And she happened to like in LA, everybody is an actor or something. She’s like, so how did you get this job? And I said, Oh, they just reached out to me. Because I had done some like, influencer, work with them. And I think that, you know, that’s how it happened. She goes, Yeah, but you don’t look like a model or an actor. Like, I would just think that they would want, you know, like a model.
Like that.
Cool. All right. Let’s get on camera now. All right, thanks for the bump up talk.
Right? Yeah, I was.
I was already nervous. And then I had that conversation. And then it was like, okay, we’re ready for you. And I just remember being like, why am I doing this? Why am I here. And it was cool seeing myself on TV and people saying, I just saw your commercial. That was a really cool experience.
Brett Thornton:
So Meanwhile, mine is the exact opposite of yours. As far as like, it’d been a cool experience and having your friends go, Oh, my God. So I, I, when I was you know, doing revival, lose basis, I really wanted to do a brand new spot, because we were just doing like, traditional like, sale and yada yada, whatever. Yeah. And living spaces started getting into all like brand new spots, you know, and really cool stuff. But like for like, the matches part, they’re like, No, you know, it’s all promotional. And we got to drop. Yeah. So I pushed for a while. And we finally agreed that we’ll do a really cool branding spot. And so I helped write this spot, I put a lot of time into it. And it was really cool. It was like this whole story about like, who we are as as a business at the time. And, and so I was really excited to be shooting the commercial, like the next day, and you know, it was going to be at living spaces and on set. And we had these different different sets we built in the back of the studio there. And so I get I get a call from the lady that ran all production. And like 10 at night in my phone, I’m like, What is it? She called? She’s like, so bad news. Like one of the actors just just call the sick. And I’m like, you know, and the cat The call was at 4:30am to like makeup and then like commercials because we had to shoot before this door to open a tent. Um, and so and she goes, but there’s good news. And I’m like, what’s that? She’s like, well, he’s like, six, three, super tall, kind of lanky. Um, and I’m like, yeah, I’m not dragging. She’s like, you know, like, six, three tall then. And I’m like, Yeah, she’s like, yeah, so we need you to do it. Why? Then you go actors. She’s like, it’s there’s no time. It’s six hours from now, you know? So she’s like, do you have black pants and black shoes and a black belt? I’m like, Yes, she’s like, okay, bring those. I’m like, Oh, God. So then the next day show before and next thing you know, I’m sitting in this chair. And these are like, legit actors talking about like, all their stuff and everything they’re in or trying to be in and I’m just sitting there like, nothing to talk about. I’m just having fun with it. And and then the day actually was fun. We’d shot all the scenes. And then at the end of the day, we had to wait around for like two hours and then we were waiting for the sun to go down behind the building. You’re shooting this like kind of sunset shot out front of the showroom, or the front of the store. And so we got the whole parking lot blocked off as the crews everywhere, you know, producers all these is a huge set of 100 people. Yeah, yeah. And I had a microphone on like they’d put one on me. And he’s like, I’ve got this idea. And I’ll down there forget because this was so embarrassing. So he’s like, I’ve got this idea. He goes, everyone loves the living spaces jingle. Like they all know, it’s like that, you know, he goes, I got an idea. I want all of you guys to like sing the jingle. And I’ll just like film it a bunch of time. And I’m just like, I thought was a joke. I’m like, Yeah, whatever. It’s like, No, no, we’re gonna sing a jingle. And I’ve got the mic on. I can’t sing, right. So they’re like, okay, you know, actually, and everyone’s like Libby’s face it. And we do like two takes, and then he starts like that. And he comes out. He goes, he like talks to his little assistant. Assistant runs out. And she’s like, She’s like, yeah, we need to make a switch. And she takes it off of me and walks all the way to the guide the end, and clips it on his little thing. And I just turned so red, and I’m like, Oh, my God. And I’m like, I’m not supposed to be here, by the way, you know, and everyone’s laughing, you know? And he’s just like, he goes, No, no, you regret your gaze is that guy I read in his thing he can sing or something like that, or can you sing? He’s like, Yeah, I do Broadway or whatever. And I’m just dying. I’m, like, so embarrassed. I’m like, this is awful. And then, of course, thank God that didn’t make the commercial like, yeah, thankfully. But then it was like, I don’t like a month later, three weeks later, it premiered and it premiered on the opening night of like preseason football. It was like a big deal. You know, I was like, No, no, it was the first game I was it was the opening football season, we bought a spot to make a big splash, right? And all my buddies from fantasy football, he came to watch the first game, right? And so it’s like, most of the guys my league is my brother in law, like, like, a lot of my really good friends, like have been around forever. And it’s like, two minutes into the game, commercial break goes in here pops up. And then like, first scene, I’m like, standing there, you know, and everyone’s like, Oh, my God, instead of being like, Oh, great, cool. Everyone’s like, Oh, God, living spaces must really be hurting the cave. And for actors, now you have to stand in your own days. And they took pictures, it became a full meme in our little Fantasy Football League. And I’m like, Oh, God, so even to this day, literally years later, like, randomly, they’ll play the random spot. And every time they play it, someone will snapshot and be like, to use such a tool. I’m like, oh, god so bad, you know. So anyways, we’re on opposite ends of the lore of living spaces, commercials.
Alex Vailas:
I mean, it was Yeah, I don’t know. It was cool. But I I still feel like similar to you. Like maybe this should have been an actor? I don’t know. No, you are I’d rather write the films and and produce them and direct them.
Brett Thornton:
Yes. So that is another conversation for another day. Because I know you’re writing on this. You’re working on a screenplay, and it’s gonna happen at some point. And all I ask, all I ask is like, if it happens one day, like, by the whatever time that is 50 6070 I need a little part. Yes, destined to be an actor.
Alex Vailas:
I’ll make sure that the living spaces commercial happens. And yeah,
Brett Thornton:
that would be my real. Hey, I know this guy who’s really good for like the 60 year old like, you know, Grandpa guy, check out his commercial. He was awesome. You got to promise. All right, Alex, thank you so much for coming on. This was a blast. Took way over way too much your time, but I really appreciate it. I can’t wait for people to hear it. And thank you again. I can’t hopefully we connect against him.
Alex Vailas:
Yeah, I hope it’s helpful. Thanks for having me on the show. Awesome. later. Bye.
